


Playing House

by Amorfati32



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 12:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15388644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amorfati32/pseuds/Amorfati32
Summary: Arcadia fic based on the Tumblr prompt: “You say you won't do it again, but then you keep doing it!”





	Playing House

Scully had always hated undercover assignments, right from the very start. She never considered herself a very good actress and hated fake situations – they always made her feel awkward, self-conscious and uncomfortable. And her current assignment was making her feel more uncomfortable than most. She and Mulder had gone undercover as a married couple, who’d recently moved to Arcadia. Nothing could have been further from the truth, she’d thought as Skinner gave them their new task, although she supposed they did bicker like a married couple heading for divorce. That’s all they’d been doing lately, arguing. Ever since Diana Fowley had showed up, Mulder had been…difficult to say the least. He’d ditched Scully one time too many, he talked down as though she was stupid, and he sided with Diana more often than not. Then of course he’d had the audacity to tell Scully she was the one who was making things personal when she’d told him she had concerns over Diana’s loyalty. After all, Diana was his ex-wife, Scully knew that, and if anyone was making it personal it was him.

So to say she’d been dreading this case was an understatement. Living with Mulder, playing happy families with him, it was too much. And as soon as they arrived in Arcadia, dressed in their preppy clothes and sporting matching gold bands, Scully knew it had been a mistake to accept their assignment. Now twenty four hours into their new, but thankfully temporary life, she’s certain of it. Mulder has been unbearable since they moment they got out of the car and he wrapped his arms around her, and he’s been driving Scully crazy with his constant touching and use of pet names. He sees the case as a joke and certainly isn’t taking it seriously, while Scully just wants it wrapped up as quickly as possible so she can get home to her apartment and away from her partner. But first, first she has to get through dinner with Win and Cami Shroeder without breaking her cover and murdering her partner, which was easier said than done.

It starts off well at least, Cami has prepared a delicious tuna casserole, and she at least seems like a nice woman, though there’s something about her husband that Scully doesn’t trust. But once the meal is underway, conversation strikes up and suddenly Scully’s focus is taken away from the married couple and returns to her partner.

“Did you use the dolphin-safe tuna this time?” Win asks his wife.

“Dolphin-safe all the way honey.” They’re almost as nauseating as Mulder with their use of pet names, Scully thinks to herself.

“We always use the dolphin safe.”

“You’ve to love those dolphins,” says Mulder as he takes a bite of his casserole. “They’re pretty tasty too.”

Scully aims a sharp kick to his ankle as his words are understandably greeted with silence. She fakes a laugh, trying to break the awkward tension her partner’s words have created. Thankfully Win takes the hint.

“So… Where’d you two meet?”

They know this, they’ve got their cover story planned. Scully opens her mouth to answer, but Mulder sadly gets there first. “Actually, it was at a UFO conference.”

She’s going to kill him, she’s going to tear him apart limb from limb. He looks so damn smug that she’d love to wipe the smile off his face, but she can’t, so she has to suffer what comes next.”

“Flying saucers?” Win asks, clearly surprised. “Interesting. Wouldn’t have thought you folks would have been into that.”

Again Mulder answers before Scully can attempt to salvage the situation. “Well,” he begins, wrapping an arm around his partner. God she wants to kill him. “It’s not me so much as Laura. She’s quite the New-Ager. I mean, she’s into those magnetic bracelets and crystals and mood rings, what have you. I mean, God bless her she’s a sucker for all that stuff.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have guessed that, would you?” comes Cami’s response.

“No kidding,” Scully remarks dryly, forcing a smile. Mulder is clearly proud of himself for embarrassing his partner. She’s now determined to make him pay for his words when they get home.

Xxxx

“What the hell was that all about?” Scully hisses as soon as she and Mulder have left the Shroeder’s house and are out of earshot.

“What?” The laughter in Mulder’s voice tells her he knows exactly what she’s talking about.

“Dinner.”

“We were just chatting.”

“You were making a fool out of me.”

“I was giving them our back story.”

“We had a back story, a perfectly plausible one.”

Mulder glances around. “Ssh, I don’t think public marital spats are in the CC&Rs.”

“You’re not taking this seriously Mulder, you’re risking blowing our cover and you’re making a mockery of me.”

They reach their house and Mulder pauses on the doorstep, turning to face her. For the first time since they arrived here he looks serious, and genuinely sorry too. “I’m not mocking you Scully, I’d never do that.”

“Well it feels like it.”

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” He sounds as though he means it.”

Accepting his apology, Scully steps forward with the front door key in her hand. “Come on,” she says, calmer now. “We’d better get inside before we break any rules.”

Xxxx

Their truce lasts barely an hour. When they get back to their house – it pains Scully to call it that – she disappears into the bathroom to get ready for bed, and is interrupted briefly by a telephone call from the local PD. She had vague hopes of an early night, but she can hear Mulder out in her room, and knows he’ll put pay to that. Her partner didn’t seem to understand the concept of personal space, and despite the house having both a spare bedroom, bathroom and comfortable sofa downstairs, he seems reluctant to use any of them.

She comes back into the bedroom, still on the phone, and looks at a necklace Mulder hands her. “Thank you.” She hangs up. “Local PD came up blank on…” She pauses as Mulder removes his sweatshirt and flings it across the room towards a nearby chair. Gritting her teeth, she continues. “…Mike Raskub. No activity on his credit cards. No sighting of his ‘97 Mercury Villager.” Leaving her partner on the bed she heads back into the bathroom. If he won’t leave she’ll just go about her normal routine and hope he soon gets the hint.

“Yeah, there’s no sign of him in his house,” she hears Mulder call out. “I didn’t see him in the storm drain, either. I take it he’s dead, Scully.”

“Laura.” She was taking this seriously, even if he wasn’t. “Think it’s Win Shroeder?”

“Hmm, maybe Win cleaning up.”

“Cleaning up for who?”

“I don’t know.”

Scully glances down on the counter, frowning as she sees the tube of toothpaste by the sink. “Mulder, speaking of cleaning up whoever taught you how to squeeze a tube of toothpaste?” She picks it up and holds it out of the door, hoping he would remember in future. Somehow she doubts that.

“Hey, what do we know about this stuff?”

“I’m driving down to San Diego tomorrow and have it analyzed.”

“All right.”

She turns towards the toilet and sighs heavily. “Third warning.” She slams the toilet seat shut. That’s something she doesn’t miss about living with someone. Ethan had been more considerate than most, but she still had to remind him from time to time. And, she thinks, shaking her head. At least he remembered to flush. “Toilet seat.” Once the toilet is flushed and the bathroom looks reasonably orderly she concentrates on applying her face mask.

“Why kill Big Mike?”

Heading back into the bedroom, Scully ignores her partner as he makes a face at her appearance, and resists the urge to tell him to get the hell off her bed. Good, she thinks to herself, maybe it will scare him off to his own room. “What’s missing here is intent. What would be the motive?” Picking up his sweater, she throws it at his head.

“Compulsive neatness, or a lack thereof. Have you noticed how everybody around here is obsessed with the neighborhood rules and the CC&Rs? You know what? You fit in really well here.”

Glaring at him, Scully counts to three, trying to calm down. “And you don’t.” She looks on as Mulder adjusts the pillows behind him. He doesn’t look as though he’s in any hurry to leave, and clearly isn’t picking up on her wish to be alone.

“Well, anyway, tomorrow I got a, uh, a surefire way of testing out my theory.” He pats the bed beside him, waggling his eyebrows at her, as though inviting her to do more than just sit next to him. “Come on, Laura, you know… we’re married now.”

Deep breath, she thinks. Deep breath. “Scully,” she corrects him. “Mulder. Good night.”

He gets up from the bed, though she notices he takes a pillow with him. God he was so infuriating at times. As he heads towards the door he pauses next to her. “The thrill is gone.”

He’s joking, she knows that of course, but it’s one joke too many and she’s tired, not to mention frustrated by his behavior in recent weeks, and so she snaps. “Damn it Mulder, would you just stop?”

“What?

“You say you won’t do it again, but then you keep doing it!”

“Doing what?”

“This! Not taking this seriously, being suggestive. You’re making a fool out of me Mulder and you seem to be enjoying it!”

“I am not!”

“What was “Come on Laura, we’re married now” all about then?”

“It was just a joke.”

“Exactly, I’m a joke to you.”

“What are you talking about? Of course you’re not.”

“That’s how you’re making me feel. It’s how you’ve been making me feel for weeks.”

He looks genuinely surprised by her admission. “What?”

“I’m supposed to be your partner Mulder, your equal, not the butt of your jokes.”

“I’m sorry I offended you,” he says. “I’m not mocking you. I told you, I’m taking all of this seriously.” Scully raises an eyebrow. “Like I said, it’s just not an X-File, and I don’t get why we’re here.”

“It’s not just this case. You’ve been…”

“What?”

“Things have been different between us for weeks now.”

“Scully, if you’re going to bring up Diana –”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she replies sarcastically. “I know where your loyalty lies in that respect.” Mulder wisely chooses to ignore her. “Besides, my problem isn’t with Diana at this very moment. It’s with you, with the way you’re treating me. I’m not here to be laughed at, I’m here to do my job, that’s all I’ve been trying to do this whole time, and yet you keep things from me, you ditch me and now you make fun of me. I’ve had enough Mulder.”

Now he looks scared, and Scully suspects he’s wondering whether she’s about to leave him. “I’m sorry Scully, I really am. The last thing I wanted to do is offend you, or make you feel like you’re not important to me.” The look she gives him suggests that’s exactly how she’s feeling. “You’re right, you are my partner, and despite what you think, you are important to me.”

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”

“I know, I know that things have been difficult lately, and I know I’m to blame for that. My behavior has been out of line, and all I can do is apologize and tell you that it won’t happen again.”

“You said –”

“I promise you. I promise you that I’ll take the case seriously, that I won’t make you look stupid, though Scully you have to know that was never my intention. I never meant to shut you out or make you feel like you’re not important to me. Scully I told you over the summer what you mean to me.” It’s the first time he’s brought up that day in the hallway since it happened. “When Diana left I carried on, I got on with the job. I’m not sure I can do that if you leave. You’re the most important person in my life Scully.”

They’re reaching unchartered waters and Scully’s not sure she wants to get into this right now, not when they’re wearing those wedding bands, living in that house with god knows what kind of neighbors living nearby. Besides, she’s still frustrated, both with the case and her partner, and so she simply accepts the apology. “It’s getting late,” she says softly, bringing an end to the conversation, for now at least. “We’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

Mulder nods, looking relieved that she seems calmer now. “We don’t wanna break any rules by staying up too late.”

“Good night Mulder.”

He moves to walk away and then thinks twice, reaches out and takes hold of her hand. “I meant what I said Scully. I’ll do better.”

She gives him a small smile in return. “Says the guy who stole my pillow.” Mulder follows her gaze and immediately holds the offending item out towards her. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine Mulder, I was joking.”

He relaxes. “Night Scully.”

As he pads out of her bedroom, Scully follows him to the door, ready to close it behind him. “Night Poopyhead.”


End file.
